nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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