I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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