can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
