i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
