I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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