i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is the high leading the old right now
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
