Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
