um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
