His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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