I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize