Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
