I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
