he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
