I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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