my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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