I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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