just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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