I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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