Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sarcasm needs its own font
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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