I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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