Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
