We're facebook friends in real life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
