watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
