He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
