I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
