i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
