i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
