I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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