Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
