I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
