btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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