Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
