very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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