I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
