I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
