I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
