My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
