If i come over, it means nothing
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
