Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
