TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Randomize
