His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
