Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
