Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
