just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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