In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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