Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
