I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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