Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
