there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
