why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
